your lips broke into a smile and my insides fluttered like butterflies with something resembling happiness and not dread.
INTJ CRIMINALS SKIN
the dark black that had seeped inside my skin rose up into goosebumps to meet the shimmering gold that coated your existence. One day you touched me and the fingertips that were supposed to have dirty blood inside them traced circles on my forearm. you dragged parts of me with you, irretrievable when you left but the waves of the ocean come back to the sand. once you touched me i was never the same again. you are the ocean, hermione and i am mere sand. I think of the sand on the beach that my parents used to take me to as a child. i am scared that the answer might be ‘no’ and everything stills for minutes at a time. if i had never realized how so wrong i was about everything, about my place in this world and yours, or if you had never forgiven me for the unforgivable deeds of my past, or if both of us were just too broken for everything, or if the invisible string had just tangled too much and stretched too taut, would i have felt it in my heart of hearts that i am walking around space and time missing half of my soul? i think about it all the time. i wonder if this is worse than not having loved you at all. if i had never loved you, the painting of your serene sleeping face bathed in sunlight would not have been plastered on the inside of my eyes, hazy like a memory from a long lost time- like waking up from a dream and only remembering how it felt, all our time together and all i remember is your face before you woke up, your fingers on my chest, your breathing steady. the cruel fate has decided that to love you and lose you is a better punishment than to never love you at all. I believe all my past sins have caught up with me.
INTJ CRIMINALS FULL
What do i do with the four syllables of your name on my tongue when you would never look back at me, with your cinnamon eyes full of love i could never dream i would receive from you? the one thing i shouldn’t be doing is writing this letter to you, at 4 in the morning, the morning which has come without the sleep the night should have brought. I should really be writing my auror report or sleeping or even drowning myself in firewhiskey for fuck’s sake. D-innombrables-etoiles: everything I touched told me it would be better shared with you
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